10 Things I've Learned Turning 30

At the dusk of my twenties, with my thirtieth birthday a month away - here are the ten most significant things I’ve learned in my life:

1) Balance

Since life is undeniably full of challenges, it’s unsurprising that we rush to embrace hard set pieces of guidance as universal law. The problem is we often encounter the opposite of such wondrous principles to be equally true.

Sense of urgency vs. Take your time

Make a plan vs. Go with the flow

Work harder vs. Work Smarter

Most things in life aren’t as black and white as we might like them to be. Sometimes balance is imbalance - there are periods where a full lean in one direction is necessary to open the possibility of the opposite later.

Balance is nuance - careful consideration in all things, finding the truth in either side of the coin.

2) Acceptance

I came to appreciate the importance of acceptance where it is most difficult to apply - loved ones. When I saw people I cared about make decisions that were objectively wrong and harmful to what was best for them, I tried to show them the light.

After more years of doing that than not, I eventually learned how futile it was. The old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink,” is absolutely true.

The only thing that will drive someone to change is themself. There’s no harm in expressing our ideas and beliefs, but without the expectation or hope of others changing.

The only thing in our control, is ourselves… and we’ve got enough to work on.

3) Indifference

Why do we care what strangers think of our decisions? They don’t know us, and we don’t know them.

“Never take advice from someone that isn’t living the life you want,” is a good idea.

Even then, there are instances where advice from your loved ones (even if they aren’t leading the life your aspire towards) can be valuable.

Above all, the most valuable advice is your own. Our instinct and intuition, products of all we’ve learned from others and our lived experience, should be our north star. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve called those close to me to ask advice about something I was already going to do, because I didn’t trust myself enough to sign off on a decision independently.

Be incredibly selective about who you take heed from, and ignore the subliminal judgement of the nonexistent “they”.

4) Shame

Shame in and of itself is not a valuable frame. The correct way to harness its power is to recognize where we’ve faulted and stumbled, learn from it, and move on with the knowledge life experience brings us.

However there is a particularly devastating kind of shame, one we may feel about circumstances we had absolutely no part in.

To be ashamed of elements of ourself - our appearance, background, socioeconomic bracket, nationality, ethnicity - is absurd.

We cannot determine the cards we are dealt in life, and therefore should spend absolutely no time dwelling on them.

Others may cast judgement on us, but we have no ability to cure the stupid.

All we can do is decide how to play the hand we’ve been dealt.

5) Our life is a movie

Whatever your beliefs are about what may come once we die, it’s undeniable that in the current form in which we inhabit the earth, this is it.

We get one go - one life. Why shouldn’t we treat ourselves as though we’re the main character in a massive motion picture? As Joe Rogan so beautifully put it - imagine you had a film crew following you around, documenting what would become the great story of your life.

How would you act? What decisions would you make?

We should all aspire to treat our lives like the cinematic masterpiece they are capable of being. We aren’t here to exist - we’re here to thrive.

6) Integrity

Do what’s right.

Be honest, considerate, kind, reliable, courageous, humble, disciplined, just, and generous. Treat the world and our fellow human beings with the respect and dignity they deserve.

There’s a reason we all have a voice in our head that tells us when we’re doing right or wrong. It will often not be the easier or more comfortable route, but there is virtue in taking the correct path.

To feel good about what we’ve done is more important than any self gratification or pleasure.

Righteousness comes in many forms.

Hold the door for the person behind you. Speak up when a wrong stands clear. Be on time for the meeting. Give more than the minimum. Tell the truth, in all things.

I don’t know if it’s how well my parents raised me, my proximity to my grandparents, or a natural disposition - but if I had to describe my best characteristic, it would be my integrity.

I’m not perfect, I continue to stumble even with all I know - but I strive, and more, I’m honest about when I’ve fallen short.

Imagine a world where everyone did the same… what a place that could be.

What a place it should be.

Be a part of it.

7) Gratitude

Life is far better when we see the glass half full.

It only takes conscious choice to focus on all we have. As the old wisdom teaches - those who focus on what they have, are more likely to move towards more, than those who focus on what they lack.

Compared to the rest of the world and even the version of myself I want to become, there are plenty of obvious things I lack. If I were to dwell on them, life would be quite dark. But ever since my mom impressed upon me the magic of gratitude, I find myself feeling it in the littlest instances.

As I sit here writing this, I look around the room and notice all the good - a roof over my head, AC, a clean space, comfortable bed, electricity, Wifi, technology to work and communicate, clean clothes, running water, ten toes, ten fingers, a sound mind, pain free body… only a couple of things in the room around me.

Gratitude multiples goodness by making us notice and nurture it.

8) Curiosity

As children, we tend to be far more curious and malleable.

But as we get older, and compound all we know, most people begin to close the doors. We start to believe we know enough - that learning has an end point, right around the time we finish school.

If we’re absolutely content with every element of our life, then I suppose it makes sense to halt anything new from coming in.

But who feels that way? And even if you did - there’s so much to learn and explore in the world.

If we want to improve and grow, curiosity and an open mind are crucial. Not only that, but it makes you a far more pleasant person to be around. Even if you totally disagree with an idea, training yourself to exist as a listener is an invaluable skill.

Curiosity and open mindedness are essential to a great life.

9) Train

Whether we have to struggle or not, we undoubtedly should. Studies prove exercise is a more effective treatment for mental health issues than any pharmaceuticals. The benefits of a balanced training and overall optimized healthy lifestyle are tremendous - not only for the physical, but for the mental and spiritual.

We should strive to be people who are capable of accomplishing hard tasks.

Mobility, resistance training, aerobic and anaerobic cardiovascular exertion - these are the practices which allow us to have bodies that will support us until our last days, along with the regulation of our moods, and development of our character.

Doing hard things consistently maketh a worthy person.

You’ll look and feel better.

Go the to the gym, and do all the other stuff.

10) Relationships

I’ve experienced some pretty incredible things in my life.

I’ve seen the largest elephants in the world in Kenya, summited the tallest mountain in Africa in Tanzania, climbed through the tombs of pharaohs in Egypt, walked the halls of Winston Churchill’s home in England, wandered streets all over India, hiked jungles in Brazil, and more…

But as much as those experiences seem like the greatest thing in life, they are not. They are wonderful, but they come second to a far less appreciated phenomenon.

Time spent with loved ones.

Whether it’s laughing over an old story with my aunt, going out to dinner with my mom, sitting around the house with my dad, seeing my sister when she’s in town, or visiting my brother’s house to mess around with him and play with my two year old nephew - while I can’t have these moments as much as I would like at this point in my life, I know they are everything.

And let’s not forget the many moments with my four legged little boy, Winston, either.

Love is the greatest thing in the world - whether it’s a girlfriend, family, or dear friends - time spent in the heart is the best way to spend time.

Relationships are not always easy. They require effort from both sides to make it work. Whenever you find yourself with someone you love, that is willing to show up and do their part - soak in as much time with them as possible.

Because all our times are coming, sometimes without warning.

I’m grateful for all I’ve learned in my life, and eager to see what comes in the next decade.

Another article will be devoted to how it feels to turn thirty.

But for now, I hope these bits of youthful wisdom bring you some good, as they have brought me much.

Sincerely,

Jacob