Coming Home: How I feel after six months of travel

Below are my feelings in real time as I make my way back home to the United States after being away for six and a half months: 

It is February 2, 2025, 5:44am. I am in London, England, at Heathrow International Airport, Terminal 2, Gate A16, on a TAP Air Portugal flight to Lisbon, seated in 13C, about to make for the runway. I have a ninety minute layover before my nine and a half hour flight to Miami, Florida, United States of America.

I left home on July 24, 2024, bound for Cape Town, South Africa. Since then I have visited nine countries - seven in Africa, and two in Europe. I have been away from home six and a half months, the longest period of time in my life.

Here’s what’s on my mind:

Part 1: The Good

 Excitement - Joy - Love - Calm

I am excited to sleep in my own bed, in my old room, to give my Dad a hug, to see close friends. I am overwhelmed with joy at the imminency of seeing Winston (my dog).

Much as Miami is somewhere I will not settle down, I yearn for the familiarity of it. I know it is fleeting, but for what it is and however long it lasts, I am ready to love it. Knowing how much adventure there is to come in my life makes me savor these moments in my childhood home more than ever before. It brings a sense of calm. 

I say childhood home, because as far as I’m concerned, I have three homes. 

The first, my childhood home - Miami. Where I was born and raised, where most of my memories are. The place I was blessed to be borne into, flawed as it may be. A place that is incompatible with the man I’ve become, - but nonetheless, one I will always smile at returning to for a time. 

The second, where I sit now - London, England. I still remember when I got to this very airport in January of 2018 and walked out to the coach bus that would take us to 99 Great Russell Street WC1B3LH in Covent Garden (never forgot the address). It felt right. It felt like home, and still does. In a past life I believe I lived here during the reign of Queen Victoria. Before this trip I was determined to live here for a time. The more I’ve learned about the state of the UK, the less appeal that has. Things could change, and I am optimistic that the mass of what I hope are reasonable men and women here in England will make it so. Alas, it would take that, or a quite comfortable sum of money to settle me here at all. Whatever happens, it is a place I will forever return to - the connection is in the blood. Maybe it’s the home that never officially becomes it, but it will always be a home in my heart.

The third, where I am headed - unknown. Surely it is somewhere in the United States, and more likely in the states of Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, or Tennessee. But truly, I don’t know. That is the great constant in my life right now, the veil of darkness. I believe in all the things I am setting out to do, and that they are aligned with producing a life in step with my core values - Purpose, Freedom, and Family. Nevertheless, I don’t know the finer details. In that I rest on faith, both in what I can control and what I cannot.

 Early on in this great adventure, I knew that I was not the kind of person to take another trip this long. I am glad I did it, and if I had the choice to do it all over again - I would. That said, it’s not for me. It would be much easier, logistically and financially, if it was. I need a reset, even if they are short and hard fought. I need a base, humble as it may be. Even more, I take the fact that I own a dog seriously. Winston is not a lamp to be cast aside, he lives and breathes fuller than any human I know. When people have asked me if we’re close, my response is usually that Winston would run through burning building to stand by me. I am blessed to have him.

One of the many great traits of dogs was a decisive factor in whether I went the direction I did in life with this whole travel content creator endeavor - presence. Unless intentionally reminded of my existence, Winston does not brood over my absence. There is a good chance he doesn’t think about me at all. He lives in the moment. His moments over the last six months have been spent running around a big house that he spent the first three years of his life in, with his partner in crime Archie, my Dad’s dog. A pool to swim in, windows to gaze out, beds to lie down, walks to take, fields to run - my Dad takes good care of him. Even still, I keep him in mind with each trip I decide to take. Without betraying the surprise of the next big adventure to come, I’ll tell you this - Winston will be there.

I pray nearly every day. It’s not a practice that’s gone on for very long, maybe a couple of years. I am not a religious person. Being Jewish, and being raised practicing many of the traditions of Judaism, my frame for God has always been a monotheistic one. That being said, I don’t pretend to know what’s out there - God, Gods, universe, energy, etc. Most of all, I don’t think whatever “it” is cares what we think about it. My prayers could be described as meditation, manifestation, projection, and reflection. I start each session with five things I’m grateful for - ten fingers, a sound mind, food to eat, a roof over my head, a healthy sister. They constantly change, but the principle remains the same.

Gratitude makes life better. I am grateful for the opportunity to take this trip and explore faraway lands. I am also grateful for my ability to book a flight back to a wonderful home.

Part 2: The Bad

Fear - Shame - Disappointment 

My bad feelings have the depth of a puddle, but nonetheless are part of the picture. I am afraid as anyone would be of the unknown. Will I have the success I am after in my chosen field? Is money going to start coming in sufficient to not continue living off savings? What will I have to do to make that happen? How long will it be before I’m in a relationship? What if? What if…

At twenty-nine years old, I am a little ashamed that the decisions I’ve made in my life have lead me to be new to my chosen profession, without a home, and lacking in a partner or family. I expect that of myself. I know those things will bring me great peace and joy. I see others around me with them and feel a little envy. Above all, the most cutting shame is that I don’t have money coming in. No one feels good about living off savings, no matter the circumstances.

It was difficult to set a follower count goal at the start of the trip. In this game, there are all kinds of different ways forward. I know someone that’s had one-hundred million views on a twenty second video of giant spider webs in Bali. I know another that gained six-hundred and fifty thousand followers in one week from a video. To the uninitiated, the focus on follower count might come off as vain. A totally reasonable frame, but one that might change with a little context from the other side of the screen. My mission in what I do is to inspire, educate, and facilitate people living the lives they want - whatever that means for each individual. Travel is a central part of the life I want to live, so I use it as a catalyst for connection. When someone comes across my profile, my goal is to get them thinking something like this: “Hm, he used to be a lawyer, but now he’s making social media content, and seems to be living the life he wants. What’s the story here…”.

Impact.

The more followers I have, the more opportunity I have to make an impact. Impact isn’t always a direct line, it may twist and turn. When I have enough followers to create a group trip where me and ten other people fly to Tanzania to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. - impact. When I have enough followers to generate income through different business initiatives, I can dedicate my time and attention to those avenues I am most called to - impact. Perception is reality. When someone finds my page and sees two-hundred and fifty thousand followers - my goal by the end of the year - they are more likely to give me their attention than if I have two-hundred and fifty.

I hoped that I would hit one-hundred thousand followers by the time I returned home. My “goal” was twenty-thousand. As it stands, I’ll touchdown in Miami with a little over sixteen-thousand. I am truly grateful for each and every person that’s given me their time and attention, but I am a little disappointed in myself. 

Part 3: The Final

Other than my expansion on the context of social media followers, notice how much shorter the “Bad” section was compared with the “Good.” 

Are we our thoughts? Anyone that’s never meditated might think so. Personally, I suck at meditation. Nearly every day, the first thing I do when I wake up is turn on my ambient noise meditation app, and breathe deeply as I lie in bed for ten minutes. My goal is to be clear, without thoughts. Most of that ten minutes is spent actively letting the thoughts that come fade away. Those moments of emptiness are spiritual gold.

If we can exist without our thoughts, that means we are not them. When you understand that, it reframes your life. Bad thoughts come… but those bad thoughts aren’t me. The same way I practice expelling thoughts during meditation, I practice expelling negative thoughts in my life. That’s not to say I ignore the possibility of undesirable outcomes, I don’t. I understand the variables, reflect, plan, and move on. Once that’s done, the negative thoughts are unwelcome. They are harmful, not helpful. Of course, they persist. Why? I don’t know enough to intelligently expand on that topic, but there’s material out there if you’re curious.

I strive to focus on what I want, not what I don’t. What I have, not what I lack. The good, not the bad.

I’ll put it to you another way:

 Currently, I am sitting in a metal tube being propelled through the heavens by rocket ship engines. I booked this flight on a supercomputer that I carry around in my pocket. I am soaring above the clouds, probably around thirty-thousand feet in the air, thousands of miles away from where I am from. I am the descendant of ancestors that were identical to modern apes, as is the person flying this plane.

 With that in mind, are you surprised we all experience the plethora of thoughts we do? As Professor Slughorn said in the sixth Harry Potter movie, “These are made times I tell you - MAD!”

 I won’t allow myself to sit in that which does not serve me. Life is too crazy to live in such a manner.

 If I had to describe how I feel coming home in one sentence…

 I AM PUMPED.

 Why not? Why not change fear for excitement? Disappointment for drive? Shame for gratitude? The world is how we see it, the choice is ours.

 Consistent with living my life as though it were a movie, here is the soundtrack I’ll either play out loud or in my head for different stages of my return. You are welcome to check them out and join my emotional ride:

 Landing in Miami: Coming Home - Skylar Grey

 Walking through customs: I’m Back - T.I.

 Reuniting with Winston - Like A Prayer - Choir Version, “Deadpool & Wolverine”

 What a time. What a time, indeed.

 Thank you for giving me the most valuable resources any of us have to offer - our time.

 Sincerely,

Jacob 

P.S. I wonder what people on my flight think about me constantly wiping tears from my eyes, thinking about what’s to come. WHO CARES?!