Two kinds of bad & 90 days travel

Two kinds of bad

Recently while in Nairobi, Kenya, I found myself lapsing into regular states of dread at the workload of each day.

Being the striving to be a better human I am, I fell into contemplation of control and character. The completion of that work was effectively out of my control as an inevitable certainty, but the way I was anticipating it caused far greater pain that the actual work itself ever did.

Flash forward a few days to Lake Naivasha, Kenya. As I sat by the water waiting for the hippos to emerge for their evening dinner on the banks, I reflected on the two ways to categorize undesired events. This went beyond the dread from days past, and extended into a great reflection on how I’ve allowed myself to feel while here.

I’ve gotten a bit too enveloped in reactions to undesired or uncomfortable circumstances. When this trip is in the past, I will look at it as one of the best times of my life - so why not act like that NOW?

What is a little thing? What is a big thing?

The metric I’ve devised - can I laugh about it?

I can laugh at a bus being cramped, fending off mosquitoes in my room, or daydreaming about work.

I cannot laugh at the true horrors life sometimes dishes out.

Most things can be laughed at. It gets to the root of character - the choice in how one deals with life.

Response, not reaction.

90 days into the trip

I’m happy to be here, but it’s more complex than that…

The lack of routine and lifestyle differences have been the most difficult to adjust to.

While I appreciate each person that's decided to follow this account and support me, I hoped at this point I'd be much further along than a community of 725.

It can be unnerving to look at that number with all I've put into this.

Emotionally, the worst part is Winston. I can't think about him for more than a couple of seconds without tearing up.

That being said:

Laughter -  at the challenges I face, as they're not real challenges. I know I'll look back on this time as one of the best in my life, so I strive to act like it every day.

Movement - I don't stay anywhere too long, there will be plenty of time for that in future. I pursue the interesting experiences I came here for.

Community - may not be where I hoped, but I truly believe with everything in my being that I have something valuable to offer the world. Brick by brick, I'll build my Rome.

My boy - greatness requires sacrifice. I'll never be the creator that travels nonstop, I have a dog that I adore too much for that. Even without him, it's not me - it may be more difficult to build a life this way, but I'm game. 

When I studied for the bar, I read Invictus by William Ernest Henley every day to fortify my mind. Today I know it by heart.

 Looking back on everything my life has been, and forward to everything it will be, I am reminded:

"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul."

Sincerely,

Jacob

P.S. I nearly missed this publication having forgotten to schedule it before I left for the bush of northern Kenya. Signal in the wild permitted it to go ahead - strange times we live in.